I’ll meet you there
Somewhere in the wind
Breathe me in
Sigh
Relax
Time and distance
Are illusions anyways
Appreciate the storm
And the calm it brought
To the seas
We are sailing on
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Category: Poems
You belong together
You both share a
Complete lack of empathy
Don’t care who you hurt
In the search for self gratification
You only wanted me for a trophy
Cause I’m not easy
I’m impossible
You never knew me
We both loved a fantasy
I never had wandering eyes
Until you betrayed me
I’ll never forget the shock
Through my whole body
When I saw what you did
Really, secret dances?
Sending hearts
Singing love lyrics
Sneaky glances
That I used to be at the end of
Tell me I’m not justified
Go ahead
I know you’re still doing it
Thanks to friends
Telling me
I’m right
The only reason I think of you
Is to try to figure out
how a person could be that selfish
And mean and deceitful
I pity any girl that falls for you
How this story ends isn’t fair
You gave me wings in my darkest days
How can you grow more beautiful now
Suicidal thoughts
When I had them
You echoed me
Embraced them
gave me clarity
To feel life
I owe you mine
A million times over
Now that your gone
Your radiance has spread and
shines so brightly through my tears
* I’ve had this card since I was like 6 years old…. I cried for a very long time when he left us… I wrote this May 19, 2017
It feels like a spell is broken
I remember finding out
This was nothing new to him
Feeling so low and worthless
Black rain falling in my heart
But I couldn’t escape
Now it feels like prayers being answered
Content happiness fills me
It’s like my fairy elf gnome leprechaun friends
Returned from the 5th dimension
To guide me out of this abyss
Into Spring, renewal and rebirth
The rain has made everything clear
I feel weightless and clean
February, 19
The smell of death still lingers
I can see the past clearly now
But I still don’t know what or who you are
And you know the answer is “no”
Something has changed
The feelings I had are gone
I can’t win this battle
Don’t regret, I was only a toy
Just a practice heart
That you tried to destroy
You can sense it can’t you?
Death, it’s all around us…
But I’ll be reborn,
Spring will renew my love.
(Everyone knows alright,
They are gonna know
What a jerk you are.
And no one will trust you,
They’ll feel sorry for me
And help me get my R-E-V-E-N-G-E)
January, 4
All I can love is my own sadness
Thought those hearts were you and me
But they are me and her
Why should I bother
Losers don’t compete
I give up the fight
I’m tired
You’d throw away my love
For a sweet face
I knew I was worthless
My whole life that’s all I was told
You didn’t give me true love
Only validation for my fears
Validation of the hate I’ve been dealt
She’s still fighting for you
But I’m just sad alone hurt and confused
Why did you come after me?
When you still love her…
December, 13
The Colors of Our Love
Free thought painted over
A world run by greed
Not allowed to gather together
Be happy, share ideas
Anarchy suppressed
Oppression rules our minds
And life goes on unaware of it’s potential
And… you fall for it
The trap
You’re owned, guarded
Love suppressed
For the sake of greed
And others delusions, kept intact
Ask yourself, for what?
Are lies worth it?
Your life is worth what?
Love is worth what?
And when will the colors of our love
Be washed over with white paint….
November, 8
Dripping Honey in the Acid of my Mind
Never know who’s on your mind
While we make love
You broke me
My heart is empty
I’m drunk with anticipation
Knowing you won’t call
But I stay anyways
And…
I realized all this time
I’m the one who wanted
To fall out of love
Why did you have to do this?
I didn’t ask for it
You knew you’d never some
Even though you said…
You would…
October, 24
Lost in my web of dreams
And I still feel pain
When I know you won’t come
Sometimes I want you to leave me alone
I was fine before you came along
And I’m frightened…
This love is too good
How can something this perfect
Last Forever?
I want you to come hold me,
I’m cold.
But I only feel my cold tears
That won’t come,
Welling up inside me.
Like a million lifetimes of suffering,
Begging to be released.
October, 14
I wake up each morning
With my heart broken
Through my nightmares
My inexhaustible fears
I know you won’t care of my overflow of tears
You have millions
I only have you
I stay alone
You hear their cheers
Breathe them in
Live for me
It doesn’t matter
If I live love or die
September, 25
I feel so disposable
Lady Lazarus
I just want to die
All my life
It’s been this way
I try to help
But I just get so used
My heart is broke
I’m nothing to no one
Just another face in the crowd
I’m not special
I’m so dumb to trust anyone
This is officially the last time
I open up to anyone
Hope, What a joke
I’ve been hoping for too long
I’m done
Broken so completely and utterly……
September, 10
Money is not power
Clothes are not power
The revolutions were orchestrated
By lies
You are only a pawn in their game
September, 8
The feelings I thought were mine
Are now owned by everyone
I’m so mad
Take everything
The worst happened
When I opened up
Why did I trust
This illusion
Too good to be true
You only listened so you could
STEAL
August, 27
The Chase
What chance does the fox have?
It gets destroyed in the end
Why do they do it?
To satisfy the vanity of the hunters
June, 15
I don’t need this
I’m the most unlucky girl
Always at the wrong places
Fate likes teasing me
Breaking my heart
Everytime I try to smile
It shows me I’m a fool
Still Naïve and trusting
After being thrown away
What a cruel city
To betray me like this
Just me in this empty room
The only thing I have is my cats
I don’t want to be played
My ability to trust has run dry
I stay alone with my broken heart
I’m a melancholic baby
And these wounds are too deep
For you too heal
Fly away to someone simple
Some girl who giggles all the time
That’s not me
Lie to me
And I’ll believe
Rotten carrots and cat puke
That’s how my night’s gone
Why did you lie
I watch movies
I listen to love songs
I’m up, then down
Why did you lie
No solution or answer
Comes to me
I didn’t ask for this
Burdened with your attentions
But why…
No answer comes still
Is this all in vain?
…… So since then I’ve learned to have no expectations, I may never see you again.
Another Lost Dream.
I HAD A DREAM I LET YOU GO,
OUTSIDE MY HOME.
YOU WANTED ME
DESPITE MY CONFESSION.
SO I WENT HOME ALONE,
AND INSIDE WAS A MONSTER,
MY OWN FEARS.
FEAR WON IN MY DREAM….
somewhere to run to
I’ve lost
Why can’t I hold
myself back
I never learn
this is how I get hurt
setting up for failure
reveal yourself
but you’ll end up alone
like always
I need my secrets
but I’m too honest
I always show them where
it hurts most
where to throw their stones
trusting little lamb
Because of the words you wrote
I can never be sad.
It’s still hard
Not having you here.
I can’t show you my pain
Anymore.
It’s not fair.
Now that you’ve told me you’re here.
But somehow it’s not enough.
I know your not playing any games.
But old wounds
Make me afraid.
I can’t erase my past
Never thinking I’m good enough.
This is so hard.
I can’t tell you who I am.
I don’t deserve something so sweet.
I don’t deserve you.
Your perfect in my eyes,
It makes me ache with desire
To love you and protect you.
I didn’t plan for this.
It can look insincere from the outside,
But I swear my love is real.
Your stare,
A shock through me.
Your voice,
Makes me tremble.
Up all night,
Your words
Running round in my head.
I mean it when I said,
“I’d wait all eternity for your kiss”,
And I’d still love you
Even if you hated me.
I must be going crazy…
Can they speak for themselves
Or do they have wires on their mouths?
These are my scary little thoughts
Rolling around my head.
I don’t mean to offend.
I’m so in love
It makes me sick.
Hurt, hurt,
Nauseating hurt.
The machine devours human hearts,
expels commodities
for thoughtless masses.
The male genius
a fucking hypocrite.
Superflat affectation.
The woman artist
Perpetually
THE OTHER.
Our voice,
What fucking Voice?
Or do they have wires on their mouths?
These are my scary little thoughts
Rolling around my head.
I don’t mean to offend.
I’m so in love
It makes me sick.
Hurt, hurt,
Nauseating hurt.
The machine devours human hearts,
expels commodities
for thoughtless masses.
The male genius
a fucking hypocrite.
Superflat affectation.
The woman artist
Perpetually
THE OTHER.
Our voice,
What fucking Voice?
Moral: “When Art becomes a mass produced nonentity, It’s the end for all creative cognition amongst humanity”
You little pest
Hold your breath
please be my guest
I’m sick of your tests
I just want to be at rest
I’ll continue my quest
At your jests
I’m unimpressed
without you I’m blessed
my passion awakes in my breast
Of your charm I’m dispossessed
rip up my princess dress
Fly free from your nest
Of ghoulish depressed
deprived of their best
I am self-possessed
No longer obsessed
“Think she’ll kill herself today?
Shall we watch?
That girl is a train wreck!”
You bring me here, out of myself
I dive into the surroundings
And bring forth
Words cut by silence.
This distance protects our egos.
Play games to avoid intimacy.
Lies and more lies.
A wandering stranger with a familiar scent.
I’ll light the black candles,
and banish this darkness.
You can be a rebel as long as you don’t rebel,
Stay quite,
Squint your eyes and try to destroy me, huh?
Artists recognized and crushed, shaved and eaten whole
Analyzed, broken into science, a formula to teach
And cut open to remove the heart.
Put on display, exhibited in museums,
Sold on buttons,
Repeat their words, actions
And the vampires are released to suck OUT your soul.
WELL I’M NOT GOING TO ASK YOU TO EXCUSE MY EYELINER
I’M NOT GOING TO BE YOU
BURN YOUR BARBIE DOLLS, YOU PLASTIC FREAK
I’M AN ALIEN, A STRANGER IN A PLASTIC LAND
Nevermind, Put my lipstick on display and giggle
Nevermind, you make me immortal for those who seek me
Never ever mind you
I saw a dying fish on a parking lot pavement
The little thing was struggling to breath
I thought how horrible that would be
So I picked it up and
having no water, put in my soda pop
to my surprise the fish
could breath in my soda pop
So I took the little fish home
and watched some TV
The show I watched had
colorful sets and costumes
this was the last episode of the season
So they had a contest for the fans,
to win all sorts of glittery personalized goodies
handmade by the stars
I thought, “that’s nice of them”
So I turned off the tellie
and went to the shops
It was christmas time
and all the shops were full of toys
I walked down one isle and
there were discarded boxes
with the a high school class’s
graffiti painted on them
I thought, I will buy these
and keep them empty
cause this is the year
my favorite tv show ended
on with the horns
and off with the show
make up melting in the rain
times up, game over
ugly cracked painted façade
unmasked, revealed, now a joke
punchlines so fun
hit me in the gut
memories lie wasted
Some people have no clue how
To get high
Without drugs or alcohol.
Its called joy.
And you can’t buy it in any store.
You can’t steal it out of spite.
You have to earn it.
Through following your heart.
If you have one that is.
If you haven’t destroyed it
With cruel selfish acts
And all your left with
Is a black empty shell.
cause its hip,
So hip and cool,
To be an alcoholic,
To get inebriated.
So go be fly,
With your sad pathetic self.
I’ll be over here
Enjoying myself.
Don’t try to bring me down
With your jealous words,
I see who you are!!
All the things I’m afraid of writing in my diary
All the things I’ve been taught are wrong
All the things written in police reports
Cold hard facts of hatred
But my dreams contain these horrors
And I’m forbidden to write them
Forbidden to show them
Forbidden to say them
But they happen
Yet it’s not appropriate for the community
Reality is not good for the community
Only fairy tales
Can’t even say the words
The words women fear most
But we’re called them
They happen to us
But it’s inappropriate for the community
To express your feelings on them
Do you want me to kill myself?
My head in the toilet,
Another desolate broken songbird.
All this time
That’s what you’ve been wanting.
So tragic and romantic!
You can be sad,
Finally have a reason to love me!
Say you miss me,
But I’ve run far away,
Chasing freedom,
Her white gown eluding my grasp
Fades into the mist.
You want to destroy me!!
Come back, come back!
We’re not done with you!
Your trying to live,
We want you dead.
Here’s some pills.
You feel that pain?
Kill it with them.
You can do nothing,
Nothing ever good.
Tempt me with promises,
Promises of care.
Bent and twisted lies,
Shiny illusions of hope.
Watch my tender heart
Turn cold.
Drown myself in darkness.
Can I never escape?
Love is a cheap word
when it comes to you.
I ate an image,
Not even food.
I found God in you,
I’ve been revived.
Insecurity, second guessing,
Vanish with your convictions.
My thoughts in your mouth,
Astonish me.
Never knew I would find you,
The sun rises again,
After a gloomy night.
You are my dawn,
Magnificent.
red lipstick above her mustache
working for the man
a sardonic smile
I look above and around him
holding on to all the moments of brightness
morning air, church flowers, ducks in the lake
you cant take credit for my achievments
my strength is my own
a whore’s freedom
