Category: Random Ramblings (Free Writing)


I’ve been through a period of soul testing according to my natal chart. All astrologers say that time period, is the worst period of soul testing for everybody. I always thought when I read about it, there would be some specific decision to be made and I was afraid of making the wrong one. All some astrologers would say is that it is a period of “meeting self”… now I realize what they meant was that you keep faith in yourself, that you WILL make the right decision and that a higher source will guide you. It’s like Job, I guess… really all I did was ask why I had to go through this? But I never lost faith that something good would come out of enduring all that pain…

I don’t have answers, but I ask and receive messages and try to interpret them.

Last night: Dream about diamonds, explaining they reflect a pure white light, whereas, crystals reflect a rainbow and the better the diamond the clearer the light they give off. So when someone proposes with a ring, you know how sincere they are by how clear the diamond shines…. then I look back at you and feel deep deep and we go to leave, but I pick up a white dress that’s hanging and stain it in some red wine and I wonder why I care when I’m already wearing a white dress that is shorter and cuter… I want to say to everyone else who is upset that it doesn’t matter just throw it away… then I wake up

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changed destroyed grown up mature forgotten hurt unwanted christmas spoil those who are wanted hate those unsuccessful fitting out crush their spirit destroy them be happy make fun of forget pity hate love is dead crush destroy demolish love kids hate siblings ignore and forget the past you were never there with them you were never struggling you forgot how you got were you are slaves make them die it would be best for all kittens abandoned in the cold for clean carpets forget jesus get gifts for only those worthy hate hate hate them outcast them pressure them to conform society tells us what to do forget our past drink beer with those who beat you as children those who remember are immature those who hurt are insecure those who think are communists those who question are conspiracists shut up and do as I say now don’t think be numb be a machine feed the machine don’t make art that makes us remember our feelings our innermost doubts fears and painful past we left ourselves behind so you should sell out give up wash your brain with bleach and fill it with tv you’re not good enough or worthy of us until you do fuck you we hate you hide your weird you are not an artist you are stupid you can do nothing in life that is good be a slave to the machine be successful

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I Dont know what to do I feel like giving up. I have talked honestly about how I feel about our current capitalistic society and the effects of blindly consuming products, but apparently I’m a preachy, high and mighty Malcolm X crazy person.  If a person desires something you better get out of their way or else. Don’t try to reach them with logical arguments or you will get shoved roughly aside and be told to stop being such an a-hole. It doesn’t matter if you where just trying to tell them how much better it would be for the future if they choose organic products over sugar snacks. Look they know they don’t need it, that they want it. So what, stop being such a jerk. Of course you have tons of reasons why to buy organic, but who cares! They where choosing on taste not ecological sustainability, who chooses cereal based on that? So how exactly are you supposed to argue someone when they tell you that they know that they desire their sugar puffs? Whats the point? When you tell someone that double bacon cheese burger is bad for your health and the cows and pigs killed for it stood knee deep in their own shit all day and ate the slaughtered remains of their brothers and sisters; but they just reply “I know but its tastes sooo good” How do you argue with that? With ignorance and blind desire? Answer: you can’t. There’s nothing I can do and I feel utterly hopeless. …. Anyone out there have any suggestions? Any help??