Tag Archive: hate

The Things I Held Back

bad blood

February, 19

The smell of death still lingers

I can see the past clearly now

But I still don’t know what or who you are

And you know the answer is “no”

Something has changed

The feelings I had are gone

I can’t win this battle

Don’t regret, I was only a toy

Just a practice heart

That you tried to destroy


You can sense it can’t you?

Death, it’s all around us…

But I’ll be reborn,

Spring will renew my love.


(Everyone knows alright,

They are gonna know

What a jerk you are.

And no one will trust you,

They’ll feel sorry for me

And help me get my R-E-V-E-N-G-E)



January, 4

All I can love is my own sadness

Thought those hearts were you and me

But they are me and her

Why should I bother

Losers don’t compete

I give up the fight

I’m tired

You’d throw away my love

For a sweet face

I knew I was worthless

My whole life that’s all I was told

You didn’t give me true love

Only validation for my fears

Validation of the hate I’ve been dealt

She’s still fighting for you

But I’m just sad alone hurt and confused

Why did you come after me?

When you still love her…


December, 13

The Colors of Our Love

Free thought painted over

A world run by greed

Not allowed to gather together

Be happy, share ideas

Anarchy suppressed

Oppression rules our minds

And life goes on unaware of it’s potential


And… you fall for it

The trap

You’re owned, guarded

Love suppressed

For the sake of greed

And others delusions, kept intact

Ask yourself, for what?

Are lies worth it?

Your life is worth what?

Love is worth what?

And when will the colors of our love

Be washed over with white paint….


November, 8

Dripping Honey in the Acid of my Mind

Never know who’s on your mind

While we make love

You broke me

My heart is empty


I’m drunk with anticipation

Knowing you won’t call

But I stay anyways


I realized all this time

I’m the one who wanted

To fall out of love


Why did you have to do this?

I didn’t ask for it

You knew you’d never some

Even though you said…

You would…


October, 24

Lost in my web of dreams

And I still feel pain

When I know you won’t come

Sometimes I want you to leave me alone

I was fine before you came along

And I’m frightened…

This love is too good

How can something this perfect

Last Forever?


I want you to come hold me,

I’m cold.

But I only feel my cold tears

That won’t come,

Welling up inside me.

Like a million lifetimes of suffering,

Begging to be released.



October, 14

I wake up each morning

With my heart broken

Through my nightmares

My inexhaustible fears

I know you won’t care of my overflow of tears


You have millions

I only have you

I stay alone

You hear their cheers

Breathe them in

Live for me

It doesn’t matter

If I live love or die

 begin again

September, 25

I feel so disposable

Lady Lazarus

I just want to die

All my life

It’s been this way

I try to help

But I just get so used

My heart is broke

I’m nothing to no one

Just another face in the crowd

I’m not special

I’m so dumb to trust anyone

This is officially the last time

I open up to anyone

Hope, What a joke

I’ve been hoping for too  long

I’m done

Broken so completely and utterly……


September, 10

Money is not power

Clothes are not power

The revolutions were orchestrated

By lies

You are only a pawn in their game


September, 8

The feelings I thought were mine

Are now owned by everyone

I’m so mad

Take everything

The worst happened

When I opened up

Why did I trust

This illusion

Too good to be true

You only listened so you could



August, 27

The Chase

What chance does the fox have?

It gets destroyed in the end

Why do they do it?

To satisfy the vanity of the hunters


June, 15

I don’t need this

I’m the most unlucky girl

Always at the wrong places

Fate likes teasing me

Breaking my heart

Everytime I try to smile

It shows me I’m a fool

Still Naïve and trusting

After being thrown away

What a cruel city

To betray me like this

Just me in this empty room

The only thing I have is my cats

I don’t want to be played

My ability to trust has run dry

I stay alone with my broken heart

I’m a melancholic baby

And these wounds are too deep

For you too heal

Fly away to someone simple

Some girl who giggles all the time

That’s not me




The Monster in my Home



somewhere to run to
I’ve lost
Why can’t I hold
myself back
I never learn
this is how I get hurt
setting up for failure
reveal yourself
but you’ll end up alone
like always
I need my secrets
but I’m too honest
I always show them where
it hurts most
where to throw their stones
trusting little lamb


You little pest
Hold your breath
please be my guest
I’m sick of your tests
I just want to be at rest
I’ll continue my quest
At your jests
I’m unimpressed
without you I’m blessed
my passion awakes in my breast
Of your charm I’m dispossessed
rip up my princess dress
Fly free from your nest
Of ghoulish depressed
deprived of their best
I am self-possessed
No longer obsessed


Shiny Illusions Of Hope

Do you want me to kill myself?
My head in the toilet,
Another desolate broken songbird.
All this time
That’s what you’ve been wanting.
So tragic and romantic!
You can be sad,
Finally have a reason to love me!
Say you miss me,
But I’ve run far away,
Chasing freedom,
Her white gown eluding my grasp
Fades into the mist.
You want to destroy me!!
Come back, come back!
We’re not done with you!
Your trying to live,
We want you dead.
Here’s some pills.
You feel that pain?
Kill it with them.
You can do nothing,
Nothing ever good.
Tempt me with promises,
Promises of care.
Bent and twisted lies,
Shiny illusions of hope.
Watch my tender heart
Turn cold.
Drown myself in darkness.
Can I never escape?


Women Trained Like Slaves

We’ve been trained like slaves
to judge, rip apart.
I’m reading,
He said, did you enjoy it?
I said, I’m still searching.
WOW, you like those
bikini clad girls.
Sorry… no I’m not.
games, games,
should I repeat?
He said, you think your the only one?
I said, you want me to compete…
with her, with them?
Oh, dont bother me anymore,
I’m about to explode.
I need to find myself,
your tearing me apart.




I’m one of the
broken fragile people with only glue holding together their beaten souls
fragile yet strong
strong on my own
no one else ever there for me
I’m strong because I’ve had no one
no love, no shelter
a broken family
and you think I’m spoiled
I’m too clever
too pretty
that I must have had it all
but I’ve never had a thing
a kind word, praise, comfort
from anyone
I’m on my own
my strength is my own
torn and broken
as my pride is
how dare you rip apart my faith
justification in loving one and punishing another
you don’t know me
the words the judgements
I hear
I will not let hurt me anymore
a kind word is the world to those who’ve never had any
but you’ll never understand me
I love all, you included
I never want to inflict the suffering I’ve lived through on another

let the cycle end here

with me



Hope is a little bird that lives in a dark little cave in your heart,

holding it together with its sad little song.

Until one day for no reason at all it flies away.

Leaving your heart to cave in, crack, crumble

and turn into a dust from which the phoenix will never rise.


The Hole in Me

all i ever wanted to do was stab a knife in your neck.
Leave a hole in you like you left in me.
i hate you.
i want him.
i want the love i never had.
but i despise it.
i can never be satisfied
that hole will always be there.
as i stand here dripping wet,
i realize now even his most sincere love will never be enough
i want to devour him, destroy him, like you did me.
no i love him, i want to protect him, from you,
from my projections.
he’s innocent or guilty?
i dont want him, i need him
to annihilate me through our desire,
only through this death can i be free.
Pluto, you bastard, this is not fun.


My Dream Last Night

I dreamed last night of stealing clothes from a rich womans garage sale.

She was in her big home looking at freshly bought clothes.

 She didn’t even notice us putting the clothes in our car.

I guess she had so much she didn’t notice.

It was justice.

She didn’t even notice they were gone.

We where scared of the police, but they never came.

It was only our fear that terrorized us.

In my another dream that night,

I tried to steal some rare Music Dvd’s.

An eBay seller had them.

 His inflated prices where unjust.

He was raping some fan of their money.

These dreams symbolizes my feelings towards Americans.

I see people with “toys” that cost thousands of dollars.

Money used for selfish pleasure instead of helping feed, clothe and educate their fellow-man.

A million justifications and delusions approve this.

Like “I donate to charities” and “they need to get a job”

The solution to poverty and starvation is not simple.

There is a limited amount of money in the country,

money does not grow on trees,

The federal bank cannot print enough money to make everyone a millionaire.

The economy would collapse.

People need to get together and ensure no human being in our country is starving, uneducated, abused or unwanted.

There are not easy solutions.

Self sacrifice and a radically different way of thinking about each other is what we need.

We need to LOVE one another as brothers and sisters.

That is the only way out of this vicous cycle of selfishness and hate.