Tag Archive: poems


For Chris

How this story ends isn’t fair

You gave me wings in my darkest days

How can you grow more beautiful now

Suicidal thoughts

When I had them

You echoed me

Embraced them

gave me clarity

To feel life

I owe you mine

A million times over

Now that your gone

Your radiance has spread and

shines so brightly through my tears

* I’ve had this card since I was like 6 years old…. I cried for a very long time when he left us… I wrote this May 19, 2017

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The Things I Held Back

bad blood

February, 19

The smell of death still lingers

I can see the past clearly now

But I still don’t know what or who you are

And you know the answer is “no”

Something has changed

The feelings I had are gone

I can’t win this battle

Don’t regret, I was only a toy

Just a practice heart

That you tried to destroy

 

You can sense it can’t you?

Death, it’s all around us…

But I’ll be reborn,

Spring will renew my love.

 

(Everyone knows alright,

They are gonna know

What a jerk you are.

And no one will trust you,

They’ll feel sorry for me

And help me get my R-E-V-E-N-G-E)

 

 

January, 4

All I can love is my own sadness

Thought those hearts were you and me

But they are me and her

Why should I bother

Losers don’t compete

I give up the fight

I’m tired

You’d throw away my love

For a sweet face

I knew I was worthless

My whole life that’s all I was told

You didn’t give me true love

Only validation for my fears

Validation of the hate I’ve been dealt

She’s still fighting for you

But I’m just sad alone hurt and confused

Why did you come after me?

When you still love her…

 clean

December, 13

The Colors of Our Love

Free thought painted over

A world run by greed

Not allowed to gather together

Be happy, share ideas

Anarchy suppressed

Oppression rules our minds

And life goes on unaware of it’s potential

 

And… you fall for it

The trap

You’re owned, guarded

Love suppressed

For the sake of greed

And others delusions, kept intact

Ask yourself, for what?

Are lies worth it?

Your life is worth what?

Love is worth what?

And when will the colors of our love

Be washed over with white paint….

 

November, 8

Dripping Honey in the Acid of my Mind

Never know who’s on your mind

While we make love

You broke me

My heart is empty

 

I’m drunk with anticipation

Knowing you won’t call

But I stay anyways

And…

I realized all this time

I’m the one who wanted

To fall out of love

 

Why did you have to do this?

I didn’t ask for it

You knew you’d never some

Even though you said…

You would…

 trouble

October, 24

Lost in my web of dreams

And I still feel pain

When I know you won’t come

Sometimes I want you to leave me alone

I was fine before you came along

And I’m frightened…

This love is too good

How can something this perfect

Last Forever?

 

I want you to come hold me,

I’m cold.

But I only feel my cold tears

That won’t come,

Welling up inside me.

Like a million lifetimes of suffering,

Begging to be released.

 

 

October, 14

I wake up each morning

With my heart broken

Through my nightmares

My inexhaustible fears

I know you won’t care of my overflow of tears

 

You have millions

I only have you

I stay alone

You hear their cheers

Breathe them in

Live for me

It doesn’t matter

If I live love or die

 begin again

September, 25

I feel so disposable

Lady Lazarus

I just want to die

All my life

It’s been this way

I try to help

But I just get so used

My heart is broke

I’m nothing to no one

Just another face in the crowd

I’m not special

I’m so dumb to trust anyone

This is officially the last time

I open up to anyone

Hope, What a joke

I’ve been hoping for too  long

I’m done

Broken so completely and utterly……

 

September, 10

Money is not power

Clothes are not power

The revolutions were orchestrated

By lies

You are only a pawn in their game

 

September, 8

The feelings I thought were mine

Are now owned by everyone

I’m so mad

Take everything

The worst happened

When I opened up

Why did I trust

This illusion

Too good to be true

You only listened so you could

STEAL

never

August, 27

The Chase

What chance does the fox have?

It gets destroyed in the end

Why do they do it?

To satisfy the vanity of the hunters

 

June, 15

I don’t need this

I’m the most unlucky girl

Always at the wrong places

Fate likes teasing me

Breaking my heart

Everytime I try to smile

It shows me I’m a fool

Still Naïve and trusting

After being thrown away

What a cruel city

To betray me like this

Just me in this empty room

The only thing I have is my cats

I don’t want to be played

My ability to trust has run dry

I stay alone with my broken heart

I’m a melancholic baby

And these wounds are too deep

For you too heal

Fly away to someone simple

Some girl who giggles all the time

That’s not me

clean2

 

Lie to me

And I’ll believe
Rotten carrots and cat puke
That’s how my night’s gone
Why did you lie
I watch movies
I listen to love songs
I’m up, then down
Why did you lie
No solution or answer
Comes to me
I didn’t ask for this
Burdened with your attentions
But why…
No answer comes still
Is this all in vain?
…… So since then I’ve learned to have no expectations, I may never see you again. 

Another Lost Dream.

Word Thoughts

I’ll take whatever you can throw at me.

Go ahead and throw it.

It only gives me more to give back.

I’ll fool the storm.

Make them warm.

There are more tragedies than suburbia.

Whores are lovers.

Babies are mothers.

What have we done to one another?

The greatest tragedy is suburbia.

My Daughter to be

I’m not just going to have a kid

I’m going to do a meditating ritual

to attract the soul of some master

from another dimension

to occupy the body temple I will create.

She will grow up

and make otherworldly art

that will wake up earth souls

from the mundane reality of their daily existence.

WE ARE NO LONGER HUMAN

WE ARE NOT HUMANS ANYMORE

WE ARE ROBOTS

WE HAVE NO NATURAL ENVIRONMENT TO LIVE IN

WE ARE PROGRAMED TO WORK, SPEND AND BREED

WE OBTAIN OUR FOOD WITH MONEY

WE CANNOT OBTAIN FOOD FOR FREE

WE MUST SLAVE FOR OTHERS TO EAT

WE MUST NOT BE DIFFERENT

WE MUST NOT EXPRESS ARE EMOTIONS

WE WATCH A LIGHT BOX THAT TELLS US WHAT TO THINK, DO AND PERCEIVE

WE LIVE IN STRUCTURED MANIPULATED ENVIRONMENTS

WE ARE NOT HUMANS

WE DO NOT LIVE AS ONE WITH EARTH

WE DESTROY EARTH AND RECONSTRUCT IT

WE BELIEVE THIS NEW EARTH IS NATURAL

WE DO NOT KNOW ARTIFICIAL

WE DO AS WE ARE TOLD

WE ARE PROGRAMED

WE ARE ROBOTS

Free with a degree, Trapped

I read a story should be about the
“How and Why?”
The hard part is writing
“The Stretch In Between”
I just read a story about the
“Differences In Being female”
It reminded me of something I abhor
“Societal Rules”
Along with it’s ever present
“Fakeness”
So I wonder in America today
“Is Freedom Only For Rebels?”
I can’t help but ask myself
“Is Freedom Being A Rebel?”
Because it seems to be a certified success today
“the only option is conformity”
So I wonder,
“Did All The Great Poets Have Degrees?”
If they didn’t it seems today that
“Greatness Is Overrated”
Because TODAY
“Degrees Are Your Only Path To Mild Obscurity”
The modern truth is
“The genius In Poverty Deserves No Degree”
It seems are fast food nation has once again forgotten that
“The Great Painters Of History All Died poor”
At least
“Now They Can Be Ghostly Trillion-ares”
But the colleges say
“Come And Be Creative”
They grin and say
“We Welcome The Hard Working”
But all the scholarships are won by
“Smiling Faced Degree Accredited poets”
I guess the new hip counter-culture movement is
“Not ‘On The Road’ But ‘Off-The Road”
Lets all cheerfully welcome what the dying American Art Movement needs TODAY
“Today’s M.A. Earned American Pioneers in Outlaw Thought”
Their creative genius
“Payed For In Gross Tuition Fees”
Still wet from the harsh jungle of upper middle class America where
“Daddy’s Credit Card Will Provide Your Creativity”
All their
“Passion For Art Is Proved And Paid”
The websites will host their
“Smiling Thumbnails with proof of paid for artistry”
Today we can safely adopt the motto
“Never-mind Art Speaking For Itself”
Joyfully walk down the cattle shoot
“Scholarships are for the conformists”
And remember
“freethinkers never changed the world”