Tag Archive: women

The Things I Held Back

bad blood

February, 19

The smell of death still lingers

I can see the past clearly now

But I still don’t know what or who you are

And you know the answer is “no”

Something has changed

The feelings I had are gone

I can’t win this battle

Don’t regret, I was only a toy

Just a practice heart

That you tried to destroy


You can sense it can’t you?

Death, it’s all around us…

But I’ll be reborn,

Spring will renew my love.


(Everyone knows alright,

They are gonna know

What a jerk you are.

And no one will trust you,

They’ll feel sorry for me

And help me get my R-E-V-E-N-G-E)



January, 4

All I can love is my own sadness

Thought those hearts were you and me

But they are me and her

Why should I bother

Losers don’t compete

I give up the fight

I’m tired

You’d throw away my love

For a sweet face

I knew I was worthless

My whole life that’s all I was told

You didn’t give me true love

Only validation for my fears

Validation of the hate I’ve been dealt

She’s still fighting for you

But I’m just sad alone hurt and confused

Why did you come after me?

When you still love her…


December, 13

The Colors of Our Love

Free thought painted over

A world run by greed

Not allowed to gather together

Be happy, share ideas

Anarchy suppressed

Oppression rules our minds

And life goes on unaware of it’s potential


And… you fall for it

The trap

You’re owned, guarded

Love suppressed

For the sake of greed

And others delusions, kept intact

Ask yourself, for what?

Are lies worth it?

Your life is worth what?

Love is worth what?

And when will the colors of our love

Be washed over with white paint….


November, 8

Dripping Honey in the Acid of my Mind

Never know who’s on your mind

While we make love

You broke me

My heart is empty


I’m drunk with anticipation

Knowing you won’t call

But I stay anyways


I realized all this time

I’m the one who wanted

To fall out of love


Why did you have to do this?

I didn’t ask for it

You knew you’d never some

Even though you said…

You would…


October, 24

Lost in my web of dreams

And I still feel pain

When I know you won’t come

Sometimes I want you to leave me alone

I was fine before you came along

And I’m frightened…

This love is too good

How can something this perfect

Last Forever?


I want you to come hold me,

I’m cold.

But I only feel my cold tears

That won’t come,

Welling up inside me.

Like a million lifetimes of suffering,

Begging to be released.



October, 14

I wake up each morning

With my heart broken

Through my nightmares

My inexhaustible fears

I know you won’t care of my overflow of tears


You have millions

I only have you

I stay alone

You hear their cheers

Breathe them in

Live for me

It doesn’t matter

If I live love or die

 begin again

September, 25

I feel so disposable

Lady Lazarus

I just want to die

All my life

It’s been this way

I try to help

But I just get so used

My heart is broke

I’m nothing to no one

Just another face in the crowd

I’m not special

I’m so dumb to trust anyone

This is officially the last time

I open up to anyone

Hope, What a joke

I’ve been hoping for too  long

I’m done

Broken so completely and utterly……


September, 10

Money is not power

Clothes are not power

The revolutions were orchestrated

By lies

You are only a pawn in their game


September, 8

The feelings I thought were mine

Are now owned by everyone

I’m so mad

Take everything

The worst happened

When I opened up

Why did I trust

This illusion

Too good to be true

You only listened so you could



August, 27

The Chase

What chance does the fox have?

It gets destroyed in the end

Why do they do it?

To satisfy the vanity of the hunters


June, 15

I don’t need this

I’m the most unlucky girl

Always at the wrong places

Fate likes teasing me

Breaking my heart

Everytime I try to smile

It shows me I’m a fool

Still Naïve and trusting

After being thrown away

What a cruel city

To betray me like this

Just me in this empty room

The only thing I have is my cats

I don’t want to be played

My ability to trust has run dry

I stay alone with my broken heart

I’m a melancholic baby

And these wounds are too deep

For you too heal

Fly away to someone simple

Some girl who giggles all the time

That’s not me




The Monster in my Home



somewhere to run to
I’ve lost
Why can’t I hold
myself back
I never learn
this is how I get hurt
setting up for failure
reveal yourself
but you’ll end up alone
like always
I need my secrets
but I’m too honest
I always show them where
it hurts most
where to throw their stones
trusting little lamb

Dream Tiger

  • ice_princess_by_selenada-d7zn51w

Because of the words you wrote

I can never be sad.
It’s still hard
Not having you here.
I can’t show you my pain
It’s not fair.
Now that you’ve told me you’re here.
But somehow it’s not enough.
I know your not playing any games.
But old wounds
Make me afraid.
I can’t erase my past
Never thinking I’m good enough.
This is so hard.
I can’t tell you who I am.
I don’t deserve something so sweet.
I don’t deserve you.
Your perfect in my eyes,
It makes me ache with desire
To love you and protect you.
I didn’t plan for this.
It can look insincere from the outside,
But I swear my love is real.
Your stare,
A shock through me.
Your voice,
Makes me tremble.
Up all night,
Your words
Running round in my head.
I mean it when I said,
“I’d wait all eternity for your kiss”,
And I’d still love you
Even if you hated me.

I must be going crazy…


Superflat Mendacious Art

Can they speak for themselves
Or do they have wires on their mouths?
These are my scary little thoughts
Rolling around my head.
I don’t mean to offend.
I’m so in love
It makes me sick.
Hurt, hurt,
Nauseating hurt.
The machine devours human hearts,
expels commodities
for thoughtless masses.
The male genius
a fucking hypocrite.
Superflat affectation.
The woman artist
Our voice,
What fucking Voice?
Moral: “When Art  becomes a mass produced nonentity, It’s the end for all creative cognition amongst humanity”

Dream Dragon

Grow, don’t change.
Stay alive, because
Even the pain is beautiful.
So hot and you have a heart
That’s breaking mine.
Your beauty is the air I breathe.
I want to shelter you but
Your so far away.
It hurts.
We meet in my dreams,
I wake up missing you..


American Girl


don’t intend to continue
yes for her
them that sleep
the army
that I am here
run for the day
evening wake up
we do not faint
rough I’m not
the people here
ruled they were
I right at the back
the billion pic
whats going to happen
the media on it
who happy in this time


the voices silenced
how do they feel
to share him
love confessed
her smile is all that’s seen,
it’s cracking,
down turned eyes
her revenge through jealousy,
fighting over remembered passion,
eyes on me,
eyes on her now,
fighting over flesh


Poems of Babble

lets start at the beginning
you I want to rip your clothes off
later haunting images of…
getting on
your hate causes whirlwinds
ignore ignore
you will always come back
and so will I
I never got a chance with her
spiritual awakening
from the past stirring my soul
spring still taunts me
desire for a love
only in my head
poems of babble
and commercial tales
what to decide love or hate
no continuity in sex
cut each others throats
and I still remember the dirtiness
can’t clean enough




You little pest
Hold your breath
please be my guest
I’m sick of your tests
I just want to be at rest
I’ll continue my quest
At your jests
I’m unimpressed
without you I’m blessed
my passion awakes in my breast
Of your charm I’m dispossessed
rip up my princess dress
Fly free from your nest
Of ghoulish depressed
deprived of their best
I am self-possessed
No longer obsessed


Dark Reflections

“Think she’ll kill herself today?
Shall we watch?
That girl is a train wreck!”
You bring me here, out of myself
I dive into the surroundings
And bring forth
Words cut by silence.
This distance protects our egos.
Play games to avoid intimacy.
Lies and more lies.
A wandering stranger with a familiar scent.
I’ll light the black candles,
and banish this darkness.

girls candles


You can be a rebel as long as you don’t rebel,
Stay quite,
Squint your eyes and try to destroy me, huh?
Artists recognized and crushed, shaved and eaten whole
Analyzed, broken into science, a formula to teach
And cut open to remove the heart.
Put on display, exhibited in museums,
Sold on buttons,
Repeat their words, actions
And the vampires are released to suck OUT your soul.
Nevermind, Put my lipstick on display and giggle
Nevermind, you make me immortal for those who seek me
Never ever mind you


Tired Wrinkled Vegas Show

on with the horns
and off with the show
make up melting in the rain
times up, game over
ugly cracked painted façade
unmasked, revealed, now a joke
punchlines so fun
hit me in the gut
memories lie wasted


Elusive Joy

Some people have no clue how
To get high
Without drugs or alcohol.
Its called joy.
And you can’t buy it in any store.
You can’t steal it out of spite.
You have to earn it.
Through following your heart.
If you have one that is.
If you haven’t destroyed it
With cruel selfish acts
And all your left with
Is a black empty shell.
cause its hip,
So hip and cool,
To be an alcoholic,
To get inebriated.
So go be fly,
With your sad pathetic self.
I’ll be over here
Enjoying myself.
Don’t try to bring me down
With your jealous words,
I see who you are!!


All the things I’m afraid of writing in my diary
All the things I’ve been taught are wrong
All the things written in police reports
Cold hard facts of hatred
But my dreams contain these horrors
And I’m forbidden to write them
Forbidden to show them
Forbidden to say them
But they happen
Yet it’s not appropriate for the community
Reality is not good for the community
Only fairy tales
Can’t even say the words
The words women fear most
But we’re called them
They happen to us
But it’s inappropriate for the community
To express your feelings on them


Shiny Illusions Of Hope

Do you want me to kill myself?
My head in the toilet,
Another desolate broken songbird.
All this time
That’s what you’ve been wanting.
So tragic and romantic!
You can be sad,
Finally have a reason to love me!
Say you miss me,
But I’ve run far away,
Chasing freedom,
Her white gown eluding my grasp
Fades into the mist.
You want to destroy me!!
Come back, come back!
We’re not done with you!
Your trying to live,
We want you dead.
Here’s some pills.
You feel that pain?
Kill it with them.
You can do nothing,
Nothing ever good.
Tempt me with promises,
Promises of care.
Bent and twisted lies,
Shiny illusions of hope.
Watch my tender heart
Turn cold.
Drown myself in darkness.
Can I never escape?


Magnificent Dawn

Love is a cheap word

when it comes to you.

I ate an image,

Not even food.

I found God in you,

I’ve been revived.

Insecurity, second guessing,

Vanish with your convictions.

My thoughts in your mouth,

Astonish me.

Never knew I would find you,

The sun rises again,

After a gloomy night.

You are my dawn,



Women Trained Like Slaves

We’ve been trained like slaves
to judge, rip apart.
I’m reading,
He said, did you enjoy it?
I said, I’m still searching.
WOW, you like those
bikini clad girls.
Sorry… no I’m not.
games, games,
should I repeat?
He said, you think your the only one?
I said, you want me to compete…
with her, with them?
Oh, dont bother me anymore,
I’m about to explode.
I need to find myself,
your tearing me apart.


A Whore’s Freedom

red lipstick above her mustache
working for the man
a sardonic smile
I look above and around him
holding on to all the moments of brightness
morning air, church flowers, ducks in the lake
you cant take credit for my achievments
my strength is my own
a whore’s freedom


The Trend Mistress

oh what are you into
me too
im a leader
i disapear
and reapear for the fame
i get praise for manipulation
everything i do is liked
i dress obviously
so you cant attack me
i dont try hard
but i bleach my hair and
wear blue contacts
so im the best and smartest
i already have mastered
everything you are
im the trend mistress
i have a godzilla jaw
ill eat your genuineness
im the riot girl
all about the partying
i’m so empowered